We communicate to achieve things from others, with others. We usually start a conversation assuming they are paying attention to us.
Knowing that the responsibility for being understood is 100% ours, we should not start a communication when we have not secured the other’s attention.
Therefore, we have always believed that the first thing we have to do is capture the other’s attention. Those in advertising and marketing know how to do this very well, and now, neuromarketing people teach us new techniques and methods. No, no: that is not the first thing we have to do. We have to pay attention to the other: those in advertising and marketing first observed, for days, weeks and months, what we consumed, where, in what quantities, what prices we were willing to pay for their products or services and they took care of putting the signals and messages along the way, until we paid attention and consumed.
The woman who wants to be conquered looks, smiles: she puts her attention on the other and tries to attract him with a gesture. A conquering man does similar things: he offers a compliment, an invitation, a wink, something he assumes will please the woman on whom he has already put her attention.
So how do we get someone else’s attention in a business world in the first place? Observing and giving an opinion about something our target person said or did. Smiling, we open a door of communication. Talking to him about a topic he likes. At a conference, asking something simple that you are involved in and can answer… “How many saw the orange bin at the entrance today?”, “Who has ever tripped while walking down the street?” Ingenuity is in us.
Our attention, before starting communication, consists of knowing who our interlocutor is, what his job is, what city or culture he comes from, what interests he has and what words he understands (those from his world, technical, colloquial, religious, social). Knowing the context where he comes from and what he knows about the topic we want to talk to him about, we can choose the words that best deliver the message, tune in to it and thus we will have more elements to connect with what we want to say.
Try it! Do you already have his attention? Now the challenge is, keeping him captive. Observe the signs: What is the other person’s body language like? Does he look at you while you talk? Does he lean back? Does he tap his fingers on the table? Pay attention! If physical signs show you that your interlocutor is disconnected, pause, ask something, talk about a situation that interests them and at the same time is related to your topic so you can continue with what you have to say. I have seen thousands of times – especially in the commercial world – salespeople who talk non-stop and do not pay attention to the signals. They believe they fulfilled the purpose of their visit to the client, because they were able to say what they had planned. And after they make several similar visits, the sale does not happen. And the question the seller asks may seem like “why, if I told you everything about the product?” You know: because he didn’t pay attention to the signs, to what the other´s interest was. He wasted his time, his potential client’s time, and lost the business. It is highly likely that he did not realize it either.